The Heart of the Matter…

It’s the title to a song that I have mentioned before. Don Henley, describing how he found out that his former love found a new one.

I cannot relate in the love department (my heart is still trying to figure things out.) But when it comes to friendships, it has become all too clear. I have noticed myself little by little reverting back to my college ways of creating friendships with those who have a way of playing you and of breaking your heart.

Ever since I have gone through so many changes and epiphanies, I have met some amazing people that I can honestly call friends and will keep them close to my heart no matter what.

But one person…just seems to represent everything I am trying to change in my life, I will call them “K”. They are charismatic, their magnetism is a bit intoxicating. They are confident to a point that you can’t tell whether they are putting on a show or that it is natural. They are the person you want but can’t have.

I found myself wanting to just be around them and found out that they are who they are because they need to show the world that they are not happy with themselves. Would they be a true and good friend to have? Or should I just keep my fascination with them from afar?

So much of what I talk about and what I built Modern Woman, Inc. was that you have to be true to yourself, be you! And if I am not going to be myself especially around this person, then what is the point? I cannot be worried about will they like me and will they want to be around me. I have other things to think about and be grateful for.

My heart has been bruised of the years and it has healed quite nicely. I have great friends, beautiful children and a company I can be proud of. And yes, I am going through some other mini-struggles all relating to relationships, I can know for sure, that I have put “K” behind me and know if they want to be true with me, I welcome them with open arms.

As Don Henley put it: I am putting the past behind.

So why talk about this, because I am one that holds on to things A LOT! and I need to let go of a lot. Relationships are hard for me to let go, especially if I am trying to end them, I can’t let go. If they ended it for me, I can’t let go which means I can’t move forward. My heart then feels heavy and I am left bewildered and left thinking “is it me?” I have for the longest tried to realize that things happen for a reason and that try as you might, they are going to happen. Acceptance is one thing, I still need to work on. Acceptance for the changes, acceptance that I can only change myself and my future. Acceptance that I am fine just the way I am.

The heart of the matter….letting go and moving forward.