The Fortune Teller

Halloween was fantastic! Went out trick or treating with my kids and then went out with my girlfriends. One of the best Halloween’s I’ve ever had.

I danced the night away, and decided to take a break and see what the rest of the festivities had in store. I went downstairs and saw the fortune tellers.

She had tarot cards and stated that this was just for fun. Well it was Halloween, and I was up for a little fun. So I sat down and shuffled the cards and we began. She asked me what my first question was, so since it was just for fun, I asked the question that oddly enough in a way, I was hoping would be made light of, should I stay with the father of my children?

What was suppose to be fun turned out to be serious, she said exactly what I had been going through, I was struggling with this decision for a long time now and that I need to make a decision soon. She also noticed with in the cards that I was struggling with how it would affect my kids, she told me that they would be ok with my decision.

In a way, it was comforting, despite the fact that I was not looking for a real answer. It was a party and I didn’t think it would be real. But for the first time, I believed in the magic. I have been struggling with my decision. Should I or shouldn’t I stay?

I have been struggling, trying to build my business and my brand, trying to be the best mom I can be and trying to live my life. I see the father of my children more as a friend and a co-parent.

The choices we make in life are never easy. Whether you hear from a Fortune Teller or not, they are decisions that need to be made. You want to go back to work, you want to continue or change careers, whatever the decision is think it through and realize everyone will be ok, especially YOU!

A Fortune Teller will tell what they see, it is up to the individual to make up their minds. For me, that Fortune Teller was the voice whispering in my ear letting me know that I am ok to feel this way, that I am ok in needing and wanting to make this decision. To do what is best for me and my sons.

What is your Fortune? Listen, retrospect and decide. You make the ultimate decisions. Embrace it!

Give Up a Lifestyle, Get a Life in Return – DivineCaroline

“We go through changes for a reason. Would you make this kind of change?”

Less than two months ago, I left the working world. Today, I’m a grad student in a foreign country. If you’d asked me two years…

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FYI…

This post is an interesting one. As a parent I am very protective. I have a facebook profile and only allow a hand full of people to look at it. And of course I have my blog, which is open to the public.

When it comes to looking for a job, the internet is a great way to look for things that will help you get that job. Often, your facebook profile can truly tell someone what type of person you are.

I recommend you do not use your personal facebook page to when job searching. Often one picture can mean the difference between getting that job and not getting it. Set up a twitter account and a facebook page strictly for job searches if needed. With social networking these days it is hard not to.

As for me, I have a facebook page and a twitter account for Modern Woman, Inc. I even have a male fan of my blog. He use to work for an engineering company and truly enjoyed reading this blog and I am sure took my postings to heart for his own life. Like I say, everyone goes through change.

So to the gentleman who reads this, I am glad that my blog gives you some type of support and reflection on your own life. Change isn’t easy, but you’ll be fine.

For everyone else, I hope my blog does the same as well. Leave your comments and share your story. We all can use one.

Ugh! Really!

It’s me again, and yes decisions are my achilles heel these days. Wishing that I could decide on what to do with my life much like how I decide on what pair of shoes I want to wear. But life is not that easy.

Business is slow and I am in the midst of looking for a new position and going back to school. I have so many things that I want to do and that I want my kids to do. My life is looking great and I am happy. However, there is someone in my life who is expecting for life to go back the way they want it to be. All about them and their career. They are the father of my children “C”. “C” is a great person, smart, an excellent father and great at their job. As partners, friends and parents we are great. I on the other hand, am not sure if I want more.

His job is sending him someplace else far away for work. I love this place and cannot wait to visit. But part of me is comfortable here. My fear, to give up my life for “C” and be unhappy again. I knew going into this relationship what it entailed and the certain sacrifices I had to make. But at some point I needed to do something for me. I wanted my sons to see that mom could do anything and in turn that they can do anything they want. That they can achieve their goals and be accomplished men. But “C” wants the perfect life (at least what is perfect to him.) Me staying at home, while he achieves his goals and dreams.

As much as I did like that, I was ready for more, which is why I have separated. “C” was never happy with me having my own life. He was supportive but was expecting me to go back and fulfill my duties as expected.

Yes, I am selfish, I want what is rightfully mine, my life! I want to finish what I have started. I want Modern Woman to grow and flourish, I want to finish my education I WANT IT ALL. “C” and I are at odds.

Yesterday, what made me decide to post this on my blog was a conversation I had with a colleague, Howard Sambol. He is a coach, and even though we talked business, he made me think about what he and I are all about, transition.

While I help those with finding a new career or help with those who want to go back to school, Howard maps it all out. Last night when I got home, after dinner with my sons, I mapped my life. And sadly, “C” was barely in it. When it came to deciding about the boys and their education and how to raise them, yes, he was there but that was it. I sadly did not see a future with him, not like before. It hurts my heart to say that but it is how I truly feel. And that is scary!

I want so much to make the right decision and not lose myself. Often, women do that, we lose ourselves and often have a hard time finding a balance that allows to be all these roles we take on while just being us. We have strength and grace, we carry so much on our shoulders and we come out of things wiser and more apt to take on more. We are the caretakers and the nurturers, the doctors and ceo’s of so many things. That it is important to stop, look in the mirror and know that you are looking at yourself and not some role. Take off the hat, and let go. Not forever, just until you see fit. I still have my hat off.

So, time will be of the essence when I finally make the ultimate decision. I my heart to feel good about the decision. Because the last thing I need is for anyone to get or feel hurt. And I hope that I can not be selfish.

So if you are trying to decide a big or small life change, and you need help, contact me and I can put you with Howard (www.breakthroughcoaching.cc) or if you just need to know that you are not alone, contact me too.

Choices we make in life will affect something or someone and you (me) need to know that it is ok to do so. Live for yourself, live for your children. Just live your life.

The Heart of the Matter…

It’s the title to a song that I have mentioned before. Don Henley, describing how he found out that his former love found a new one.

I cannot relate in the love department (my heart is still trying to figure things out.) But when it comes to friendships, it has become all too clear. I have noticed myself little by little reverting back to my college ways of creating friendships with those who have a way of playing you and of breaking your heart.

Ever since I have gone through so many changes and epiphanies, I have met some amazing people that I can honestly call friends and will keep them close to my heart no matter what.

But one person…just seems to represent everything I am trying to change in my life, I will call them “K”. They are charismatic, their magnetism is a bit intoxicating. They are confident to a point that you can’t tell whether they are putting on a show or that it is natural. They are the person you want but can’t have.

I found myself wanting to just be around them and found out that they are who they are because they need to show the world that they are not happy with themselves. Would they be a true and good friend to have? Or should I just keep my fascination with them from afar?

So much of what I talk about and what I built Modern Woman, Inc. was that you have to be true to yourself, be you! And if I am not going to be myself especially around this person, then what is the point? I cannot be worried about will they like me and will they want to be around me. I have other things to think about and be grateful for.

My heart has been bruised of the years and it has healed quite nicely. I have great friends, beautiful children and a company I can be proud of. And yes, I am going through some other mini-struggles all relating to relationships, I can know for sure, that I have put “K” behind me and know if they want to be true with me, I welcome them with open arms.

As Don Henley put it: I am putting the past behind.

So why talk about this, because I am one that holds on to things A LOT! and I need to let go of a lot. Relationships are hard for me to let go, especially if I am trying to end them, I can’t let go. If they ended it for me, I can’t let go which means I can’t move forward. My heart then feels heavy and I am left bewildered and left thinking “is it me?” I have for the longest tried to realize that things happen for a reason and that try as you might, they are going to happen. Acceptance is one thing, I still need to work on. Acceptance for the changes, acceptance that I can only change myself and my future. Acceptance that I am fine just the way I am.

The heart of the matter….letting go and moving forward.

Choices? Choices.

The choices we make it life affect us in more way than one. They can be a relief to an arduous situation that took it toll on you. They can be painful because the choice you made hurt others and you can’t take it back. They are hard and they are easy. But choices are made day to day and change the landscape we call life.

Often I wonder, when a choice is being made, will the outcome be a good one? Some decisions you do not want to make, but they must be made or you will forever have a knot in your stomach. That’s me right now! I have a knot in my stomach and in my heart.

This past year has been great, I have made some amazing friends, I have a fantastic social life. But it has come between me and my sons. Whom me the world to me. I came to the decision, the choice to make more time for my sons. They need me and I need them!

But the next choice I have to make is tough. It is eating me up inside. Do I work on a relationship or let it go? I feel stuck, this is a choice that is difficult because it affects two very important people in my life, my sons. Do I stay because it is the right thing to do, because we promised forever, because they want everything to go back to normal where the focus is on them? Or do I leave and suffer through a custody battle? Knowing that things will not be fair, they will not play fair. I am scared to death! Beside the children, there is the financial, because I was irresponsible in college, I have been trying to build myself up off and on for years. Because they have been the focus, I put my life on the back burner.

I have been shedding my skin little by little. And now it has affected a relationship that I am not sure can be rebuilt. I do not know what to do? All these changes and I cannot decide.

My heart is heavy, my mind clouded and I am deathly afraid of a choice that will change my life in a way that I don’t know if it will hinder or help it.

Change is easy, transition is hard. No matter how you like at it is a part of life. And often the one thing difficult to embrace. Choice affects our lives, it enhances whatever changes are going on in our lives.

*Business Plug* Modern Woman, Inc understands that and will be with you every step of the way, we know that change is a constant and can take you by surprise. Choices are made, we take a breath and move forward. Choices, decisions, are never easy.

However, as long as we look within ourselves and know that we have done the right thing, we are all well on our way to happiness.

Overwhelmed

My house is a disaster! For the past year I have discussed about doing things to my house to make it more organized and was depending on my roommate to help. They promised and stated that yes they will do it when they have time.

The plan was they would have the month of August off and then they would do it. Plans changed! They are working as am I and now…nothing.

Granted, I haven’t had time, between an active social life, kids and a full time. I have tried little by little to help.

Since the majority of the disaster belongs to my roommate, I feel stuck. And just lost it! I began crying and realized that I had no plan, no strategy. Just clueless as to where to begin!

The overwhelming feeling of not getting this done and moving forward struck me very hard! Being able to get things done and move on it is an amazing feeling. However, when you hit that wall and are struggling to get a round it, it can be emotionally draining.

Finding it hard to breathe, my heart pounding, my feet felt like cement blocks. All because my house is in disarray and therefore my life! At least for me it feels this way. I have so much to finish, I am procrastinating life! When will it stop? And when can I continue to move on with my life?

My roommate is a good friend, but lately it has been difficult to move on. They are very hard to show support and feel life should evolve around them. For so long that has happened and when the tables were turned, they were uncomfortable and resistant to the change. Because they were so much in control of it that once they were not, it was not pleasing to them. They are a great partner, my kids are happy but our relationship has faltered.

No longer are we the close pair, staying up late talking about our life and dreams. we put up appearances for our friends in hopes to not bring attention to our situation. At times, I have even changed our status to others, because our relationship isn’t what once was.

Relationships change year to year, day to day. Often they evolve, they flourish. Sometimes, they change and go a different direction. They can breakdown and fade into the background. Often, the individuals in the relationship, evolve as well.

Sometimes, they can recapture what was once what brought them together. Others, just move on and never look back. That is where I am at. We have a friendship, we care for each other but what else? Torn because we have history, torn because we have a family.

To go through a change like is hard. You never think that it ever happen, the vision of forever has been read to us and swooned over that we never see the what if.

And with that, you heart cannot be changed. Or can it?

Overwhelmed by the changes at hand, overwhelmed by the chaos in my house. Is to me, a symbol of a relationship that is forever changed and may never recapture what it once was. As individuals, we have changed and need to come to terms with that.

And finally maybe, I can breathe, freely.

Transition and Change, but how?

I came across this website. I am hoping we will start collaborating with this company. What a great site and here are some helpful tips to transitioning into a new career. You can even you these tips to help you transition into a new phase in your life!

8 Steps to a Successful Career Transition
(www.breakthroughcoaching.cc)

This article is a case study of Mary Ann, a woman I coached through a major career transition several years ago. It illustrates the application of the 8 critical steps and how they were effective in guiding her to a successful career transition.

Situation
Mary Ann was a talented, successful attorney on the fast track to becoming a partner in her law firm. There was only one problem. She didn’t want to be a lawyer anymore. She was faced with the dilemma of what to do with her life and career and how she was going to explain to everyone in her life why she wanted to abandon her prestigious and high paying job with no idea of a new direction and no prospects of anything better.

Specifically, she was confronted with the challenge of explaining this to her husband, a college professor and a man who was very proud of his wife’s accomplishments. Mary Ann was severely conflicted and with an absolute dread of dealing with the insurmountable challenge in front of her. It was at the point of greatest despair that she found Career Crafting.

Step 1: Forgive Yourself and Everyone Else in your Life; Clear Your Emotional Landscape; Let go of the past; Create a clean Slate in which you can create newly again; Reconnect to the joy of discovery and creation in present time

The Career Crafting program helped Mary Ann let go of her judgments about herself. She learned to quiet her inner voices which were telling her that she was crazy. She learned to accept and appreciate her circumstances and see them as a huge growth opportunity rather than something to dread and avoid. Mary Ann started to listen and validate her inner guidance which began to restore her self-trust. She started to give herself permission to know her truth, speak her truth and stay open to new possibilities that were previously impossible. Needless to say, this was a huge transformation all by itself.

Step 2: Take Care of your immediate financial needs by utilizing and applying your most easily marketable skills; Get your overall financial house in order; Eliminate survival energy from your life; Maintain a strict separation between your needs for the present and your desires, aspirations, and vision for the future.

The Career Crafting Tools and coaching system allowed her to re-negotiate a new part time agreement with her law firm so she could retain her benefits and a sufficient salary to cover the mortgage and other basic expenses. This gave her the time and piece of mind she needed to begin crafting her new life and career.

Step 3: Create and sustain an effective support system; Learn and apply the 4 coaching elements critical to your long term success in every area of your life

Mary Ann came to understand the critical importance of having an effective support system and, this inspired her to assemble the most ideal people in her life who wound up validating her decisions and supporting her discovery process. The coaching helped her muster the courage to speak honestly with her husband who was, to her surprise, very supportive of her doing what she really wanted to do.

Step 4: Dis-cover (uncover) your core interests, desires, values, skills, talents and passions as a result of a comprehensive assessment process. Understand the role of beliefs in your life and how, by changing your beliefs, you can change your life experience.

As a result of the multi-faceted Career Crafting assessment process, Mary Ann started to discover the things that gave her life meaning, purpose, satisfaction, enjoyment and the activities that sparked her passion and creativity. These discoveries initially surprised her until she later realized that her pursuit of law was really something she did to please others, not herself. The Career Crafting assessment process also uncovered many of her underlying beliefs which allowed her to see the ones that were supporting her forward movement and the beliefs that were sabotaging her progress.

Step 5: Synthesize and Distill your discoveries into a Career Playground Statement. This is a statement of Life Purpose but can also include concrete goals with specific timeframes.

The Career Crafting distillation process empowered Mary Ann to integrate her insights. She soon became clear that the arts was her greatest love yet she wanted to combine this with something practical that people could use in their everyday lives. This led to her decision to start a home based business in which she would market her unique creative designs to women for their home environments.

Step 6: Learn, Research, Network, Build relationships and Key Alliances; Find a Mentor; Build Momentum on your Confidence-Success Spiral

During the months that followed, Mary Ann applied the Career Crafting implementation toolkit which included research, networking and learning from others already successful in her targeted field. She further developed her designs and got critical feedback from experts. As this continued to unfold, Mary Ann found herself with growing excitement, increased confidence and unwavering determination to succeed.

Step 7: Create and implement your Career Master Plan; Learn and apply the Entrepreneurial Attitude wherever appropriate; Target and market yourself and/or your products to appropriate individuals and/or organizations.

Mary Ann formulated and implemented a solid master plan with the support of her team that included her close friends, her husband and her family’s financial advisor. The Career Crafting slogan “You’re Always Molding the Clay” became a central mantra for Mary Ann’s new found freedom.

Mary Ann let go of her previous “employee mentality” and easily shifted into an entrepreneurial focus. The promise of creative freedom was so enticing and motivating to her, nothing could stop her.

She realized that no matter what she might discover or what changes might occur down the road, she could always make the needed changes in her business and/or goals to reflect these shifts. Unlike many scattered entrepreneurs, she was on solid ground in starting her business with a functional support system to ensure her long term success.

Step 8: Apply an ongoing feedback-adjustment process to your objectives, vision and strategy. Seek to achieve balance in all areas of your life—physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. To maintain yourself on your cutting edge, share your success and mentor others in the Career Crafting Process.

By remaining focused and consistent in developing and marketing her designs, Mary Ann rapidly acquired customers and new contracts. She continued to follow the Career Crafting recommendation to stay in touch with her creative instincts which allowed her to stay passionate and focused. Over the months and years that followed, she supported others with Career Crafting which allowed her to stay fresh with the principles and methodology.

Exercise:
To maximize the value from this story, we recommend that you answer the questions below:

Were you inspired by Mary Ann’s courage and willingness to confront her fears, doubts and take action?

Are you now feeling that you might also be able to make a successful transition to something meaningful, rewarding, financially self sustaining and creative?

Now that you’ve been exposed to the 8 Critical Steps outlined in the story, can you see yourself following these steps with the guidance of a coach and supportive community? If it was possible for you to do this for less than the cost of a cup of coffee each day, would that make it attainable?

Career Change

I came across this great article! Check it out!
Been Out Of Work For Three Years & I Want Back In – But How?

May 15, 2009 by sparktalk

“J.T. & Dale Talk Jobs” is the largest nationally syndicated career advice column in the US & can be found at JTandDale.com.

Dear J.T. & Dale: I took the past three years off to spend time with my children. Now that the kids are of an age where they would rather NOT spend time with me, I’m ready to get back to work. I know my resume screams “She’s been sitting on her butt for three years.” Should my cover letter explain my situation, or would that throw me in the “no” pile even faster? Help! — Gail

J.T.: Two reactions: First, you haven’t been sitting on your butt! Raising children is a job, and one to be proud of. Discuss in your cover letter what you’ve learned in those three years and how it is going to make you a better employee. Second, getting back into the work force takes branding. You need to define who you are and what you have to offer employers. You can find branding help at www.youronramp.com, a Web site designed for moms returning to the work force, and at our site, www.jtanddale.com.

Dale: You’re obviously a realist, Gail — a witty and charming one. So, it won’t come as a shock to you to hear that you’re going to be a long shot for landing interviews. Everyone is a long shot when employers routinely get hundreds of resumes for any given job. So ask yourself: “Why me? Why should someone pick my resume out of the pile and call me?” Well, I’d call you for your wit and charm. Hey, you’re a long shot anyway, so why not have some fun in your cover letter? Or, if you have some specialties, give them prominence in both your cover letter and resume. (Everyone seems enchanted by the word “branding,” but I think it’s easier to think in terms of “specialties.”) Finally — and here’s where being a realist is going to be useful — you may have to admit that your resume isn’t special and isn’t going to be plucked out of a pile. When that happens, don’t despair; just quit sending resumes. Instead, start networking and find a job before it’s open — that is, before the pile has a chance to form.
jt-dale-logo

Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a professional development specialist and founder of CAREEREALISM.com. Dale Dauten’s latest book is “(Great) Employees Only: How Gifted Bosses Hire and De-Hire Their Way to Success” (John Wiley & Sons).

Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via e-mail, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.

Epiphany/moving forward

Epiphany (feeling) The sudden realization or comprehension of the essence or meaning of something.

I got one today. For the second time in my life, I finally realized that letting go of the past (again) was ok. And that I can move forward and continue to be myself and know that no matter what…I have made the right decision. I am here sitting at my desk and my heart is racing. But not because I am nervous but because I am happy and giddy.

I often get like this when I have made a good decision or am about to make one. When I decided to go back to work, I was happy. I knew that I made a good decision, because I knew it benefited my sons. I knew I made a good decision when I decided to go back to school, because again it benefited my sons.

Yes, my sons were the main reasons for the decisions I made. And why I started my company, because I knew that were women like me in transition. They reached a certain point in their lives and they needed to either let go and move forward, to change.

I was always one to hold onto things, in my earlier life and felt that I would always be defined by my past. That no one would ever move past that and ever get to see the real me. At times, I thought I could never change.

I did change and for the better. And of course in my past post I was not happy with my impending change, but not all change is good.

When making life decisions, it is always good to talk to people; a therapist, a coach, a good friend. Talking and getting another perspective can be a good thing. At times you may not agree, but it doesn’t hurt to say things out loud.

*Business Plug* Modern Woman, Inc offers coaching. We will have experts that can help you get down the path you want to get on.

In moments like these, I hear a song in my head, ‘Heart of the Matter’ By Don Henley (and it was re-made by India.Arie) there is a part of the song that says “if you don’t put it all behind you, life goes on, if you keep carrying that anger it will eat you up inside.” Which is true when you are talking about moving on and changing.

Any decisions made in life (good or bad) are decisions that affect us and the people around us. We are human and learn from those choices. Whatever it is that you are wanting to improve on, change and build on, just know that you know in your heart it is the right decision. To move on and put it all behind you. Going back to work after being the stay at home mom or the working woman ready to stay home and be a mom, going back to school or traveling the world and volunteering your time to those who need it most. You know in your heart you did the right thing.

I know I made the right decision, to let go and move forward is liberating.